“If Guns Kill People, Forks Make People Fat” and Other

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“If Guns Kill People, Forks Make People Fat” and Other Dumb Arguments Against Gun Control

Waaay too much heavy lifting for your average righty who posts here.

We won't even discuss what 'average' means relative to a graduate of a decent HS.



As someone who loves guns, I recognize how dangerous they are. I wish gun enthusiasts did too.

Unfortunately, they’re digging in and holding their ground, citing arguments and analogies that simply don’t hold up.

Let’s take a look at the most prominent ones I’ve heard after the Vegas shooting:

“Guns are like drugs. If you ban them, people will still get ahold of them.”

True, some people will, but one of the basic rules of business that contributes to consumer buying behavior is convenience and availability.

Think about Starbucks, Subway, and McDonald’s. How far do you have to travel to buy their goods? How hard is it to buy them once you’re there?

Now, how many people buy their goods overall? “A lot” doesn’t begin to describe it.

In some countries, you can’t buy assault rifles at all, but in Texas (my home state) I can buy an AK-47 from a pawnshop less than a block from the nearest Walmart…where I can also buy assault rifles and peanut butter.

This is all less than 5 miles from my house! Talk about convenience!

The more convenient and accessible something is, the more people engage in it.

It stands to reason that, like fast food, if people couldn’t buy guns so easily, fewer people would have them. Sure, there will still be people who go the extra distance to get a Big Mac/AR-15, but the lack of convenience and ease of purchase would discourage some people who ordinarily buy these, especially if there were other options available.

Another example is alcohol vs. marijuana. A lot of people smoke weed and they’ll risk the wrath of law enforcement to get it, but it’s not nearly as prevalent or widely consumed as alcohol, which you can buy at every gas station and grocery store.

Again, availability and convenience play a huge role in what people buy.

I want to emphasize that I’m actually in favor of access to handguns for self-defense, but it is way too easy for the general public to purchase assault rifles, especially after considering the general public seems to be the source of most mass shootings.

The comparison of guns to drugs has another key flaw: drugs are self-authorized, but no one chooses to be a victim of gun violence. No one signs off on a patient-doctor agreement, saying, “I hereby give permission to get shot in the head with an AR-15. And don’t worry about the money, my insurance will cover it.”


There are no mass methings or marijuana massacres, and certainly not from 400 yards away in the window of a hotel room.

Drugs are self-authorized, but no one chooses to be a victim of gun violence.

“If guns kill people, do forks make people fat?”

Technically no, but eating is important to our day-to-day survival and utensils allow us to keep our hands clean while we eat, which in turn allows us to lead healthier, more hygienic lives. Do you eat your mashed potatoes with an AK-47? Me neither.


In the case of this argument, the flaw lies not so much in personal responsibility as it does in the utility of the tool. Utensils are made for eating and they serve this purpose without anyone engaging in mass forkings. Assault rifles are made for killing people. That’s it.


Sure, you can use them to intimidate someone, but it only intimidates them because they know their life is in danger.

Handguns can intimidate and kill too, but they aren’t excessively powerful. They can’t unleash a torrent of bullets into a crowd or gun people down from hundreds of yards away, all without reloading. But assault rifles? What purpose do they serve?

You don’t hunt animals with assault rifles and you can’t conceal it when you go out on the town like you could a handgun. They aren’t subtle, they aren’t practical, and they’re used for only one thing.

Assault rifles are made for killing people. That’s it.

Small round, ultra high velocity, cavitates...destroys... tissue and organs, tumbles as it traverses....shatters bones.... and exits 'large'. Anyone who has ever fired one in the military understands all of that.

If you like shooting assault rifles (and I don’t blame you if you do), you could easily go to a range and shoot the ones they have there. In fact, with the money you’d spend on bullets, attachments, and maintenance of your own weapon, you could easily afford shooting on the range whenever you want.

So what’s the point in owning one other than the fact that you just want to? It’s the only reason I can think of and it makes sense, but instead I hear people making arguments that can’t stand on their own without crutches bought from NRA lobbying.

“Cars kill people too. Are we going to ban cars?”

No, because most of the United States is not set up to support mass transportation like trains and subways, and cars allow us to travel to work and make a living, to go the store and pick up food, to see friends and family, and to go around and do leisurely activities.

Without them, we would be in big trouble. But unless you’re going to ride your AR-15 to work like a broomstick, or surf on top of it to see your grandma, this argument makes no sense.


b]“But guns keep us safe.”[/b]

Do they? This isn’t the Wild West and most of us don’t live in Detroit or Syria or anywhere we might need them in our everyday lives. We’re not under constant threat of attack, and if you are and the person already has a gun on you, you probably won’t draw your gun fast enough to make a difference.

On the other hand, if you have the advantage, a handgun will do the job just fine.

Plus, according to a CDC study in 2014, just over 11,000 people died from gun-related homicides (11,008 to be exact) while 21,386 died from gun-related suicide.

In short, if you have a gun, you’re over two times more likely to use it on yourself than other people. Not very safe after all.

Once again, I have no problem with guns. I love guns and I think people should be allowed to buy handguns for self-defense, but no one needs an assault rifle.

If you think you do, you might want to put your hard-earned money toward shooting lessons instead.