POLICE JOKES
== A persistent offender was arrested yet again. Leafing through his file, the detective said: “This is quite a criminal record. Shoplifting, hit and run, forgery, fraud, burglary, armed robbery, car theft, burglary, burglary, burglary ” “Yeah, I know.” said the suspect. “It took me quite a while to figure out what I was good at.”
== Did you hear about the cannibal policeman who was arrested? He was caught grilling his suspects.
== Yo mama so fat the police dogs stopped her at the airport for having 10 lbs of crack.
== Having gone to his secretary’s apartment, Mr. Biggs was astonished to wake up and find that it was three in the morning.
“My God!” he shouted, “My wife is going to kill me!”
Unsure of how he would explain it, he ran to the nearest pay phone and called his wife.
“Honey!” he began, “Don’t call the cops and don’t pay the ransom.”
“I escaped!”
== Police are searching for a thief who robs his victims by threatening them with a lighted match. They want to catch him before he strikes again.
== Criminal tried to hijack a bus full of Japanese tourists. Fortunately the police got five hundred photos of the suspect.
== A police recruit was asked during his exam: “What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?” He answered: “I would definitely call for backup.”
== A policeman stops two drunks and asks one, “Where do you live?” “Nowhere”, the first drunk replied. “And where do you live?”, he asks the other. “We’re neighbours.”
== Two Redneck Alabama State Troopers were chasing a Mustang East on I-20 toward Georgia. When the suspect crossed the Georgia line, the first Trooper pulled over quickly. The rookie Trooper pulled in behind him and said, “Hey, sarge, why did you stop?” The sarge replied, “He’s in Georgia now. They’re an hour ahead of us, so we’ll never catch him.”
== Women are like the police. They can have all the evidence in the world, but they still want the confession.
21. Police in India are being paid to grow mustaches because it commands them more respect.
22. A cop pulls a guy over for weaving across two lanes of traffic.
He walks up to the drivers window and asks, “You drinkin’?”
The driver said, “You buyin’?”
23. A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are running from the police. They run into an old barn and hide in potato sacks. The officer chasing them walks into the barn looking for them. He kicks the first sack with the redhead inside and the redhead says, “Woof woof!” The cop thinks it’s a dog, so he walks to the next one. He kicks the second bag with the brunette, and she says, “Meow meow!” The cop believes it’s a cat and moves on. He kicks the third bag with the blonde, and the blonde yells, “Potato potato!”
24. It should be illegal to play a police siren on the radio I’m always relieved when I see police that aren’t looking for me.
25. I was drunk when I had my drivers license picture taken. That way, when the police pulls me over, I don’t have to worry.
== A persistent offender was arrested yet again. Leafing through his file, the detective said: “This is quite a criminal record. Shoplifting, hit and run, forgery, fraud, burglary, armed robbery, car theft, burglary, burglary, burglary ” “Yeah, I know.” said the suspect. “It took me quite a while to figure out what I was good at.”
== Did you hear about the cannibal policeman who was arrested? He was caught grilling his suspects.
== Yo mama so fat the police dogs stopped her at the airport for having 10 lbs of crack.
== Having gone to his secretary’s apartment, Mr. Biggs was astonished to wake up and find that it was three in the morning.
“My God!” he shouted, “My wife is going to kill me!”
Unsure of how he would explain it, he ran to the nearest pay phone and called his wife.
“Honey!” he began, “Don’t call the cops and don’t pay the ransom.”
“I escaped!”
== Police are searching for a thief who robs his victims by threatening them with a lighted match. They want to catch him before he strikes again.
== Criminal tried to hijack a bus full of Japanese tourists. Fortunately the police got five hundred photos of the suspect.
== A police recruit was asked during his exam: “What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?” He answered: “I would definitely call for backup.”
== A policeman stops two drunks and asks one, “Where do you live?” “Nowhere”, the first drunk replied. “And where do you live?”, he asks the other. “We’re neighbours.”
== Two Redneck Alabama State Troopers were chasing a Mustang East on I-20 toward Georgia. When the suspect crossed the Georgia line, the first Trooper pulled over quickly. The rookie Trooper pulled in behind him and said, “Hey, sarge, why did you stop?” The sarge replied, “He’s in Georgia now. They’re an hour ahead of us, so we’ll never catch him.”
== Women are like the police. They can have all the evidence in the world, but they still want the confession.
21. Police in India are being paid to grow mustaches because it commands them more respect.
22. A cop pulls a guy over for weaving across two lanes of traffic.
He walks up to the drivers window and asks, “You drinkin’?”
The driver said, “You buyin’?”
23. A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are running from the police. They run into an old barn and hide in potato sacks. The officer chasing them walks into the barn looking for them. He kicks the first sack with the redhead inside and the redhead says, “Woof woof!” The cop thinks it’s a dog, so he walks to the next one. He kicks the second bag with the brunette, and she says, “Meow meow!” The cop believes it’s a cat and moves on. He kicks the third bag with the blonde, and the blonde yells, “Potato potato!”
24. It should be illegal to play a police siren on the radio I’m always relieved when I see police that aren’t looking for me.
25. I was drunk when I had my drivers license picture taken. That way, when the police pulls me over, I don’t have to worry.
1
'Everything works out in the end,,,If it hasn't worked out,,it's not the end'
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