In about a month I will go from "Still got my Chri
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Posted On: 10/05/2017 5:34:44 PM
In about a month I will go from "Still got my Christmas lights up" to "Already got my Christmas lights up"
It's that wonderful time of year again…
when the spider webs I've been too lazy to clean become functional decorations.
No, YOU misunderstood.
I said I've been doing this for awhile, I didn't say I was any good at it.
In a parallel universe somewhere…
Bruno Mars is listening to the radio and he’s sick of me being on every channel.
If it takes a village to raise a child…
why are my neighbors sipping coffee peacefully on their front porch while I do all the work?
I had amnesia once.
OK, maybe twice.
"Teacher: "If I had eight flies on my desk and
swatted one, how many would be left?"
Little Johnny: "Just the dead one."
Math has never been my thirtee.
My wife caught me masturbating.
I tried explaining to her that technically it was her fault.
I just gave my wife a last-minute birthday gift.
I put the toilet seat down.
It's that wonderful time of year again…
when the spider webs I've been too lazy to clean become functional decorations.
No, YOU misunderstood.
I said I've been doing this for awhile, I didn't say I was any good at it.
In a parallel universe somewhere…
Bruno Mars is listening to the radio and he’s sick of me being on every channel.
If it takes a village to raise a child…
why are my neighbors sipping coffee peacefully on their front porch while I do all the work?
I had amnesia once.
OK, maybe twice.
"Teacher: "If I had eight flies on my desk and
swatted one, how many would be left?"
Little Johnny: "Just the dead one."
Math has never been my thirtee.
My wife caught me masturbating.
I tried explaining to her that technically it was her fault.
I just gave my wife a last-minute birthday gift.
I put the toilet seat down.
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