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a must read..this is great..if ure ols..i am..
$5.37!
That's
what the kid behind the counter at Taco Bell
said to me.
I dug into
my pocket and pulled out some lint and two dimes
and something that used to be a Jolly
Rancher.
Having
already handed the kid a five-spot, I started to
head back out to the truck to grab some
change
when the
kid with the Elmo hairdo said the hardest thing
anyone has ever said to me.
He said,
"It's OK.
I'll just give you the senior citizen
discount."
I turned
to see who he was
talking to and then heard the sound of change
hitting the counter in front of
me.
"Only
$4.68" he said
cheerfully.
I stood there stupefied. I am
56, not even 60 yet?
A mere
child!
Senior
citizen?
I took my burrito and walked out
to the truck wondering what was wrong with
Elmo.
Was he
blind?
As I sat
in the truck, my blood began to
boil.
Old?
Me?
I'll show him, I
thought.
I opened
the door and headed back inside. I strode to the
counter,
and there
he was waiting with a smile.
Before I
could say a word, he held up something and
jingled it in front of me,
like I
could be that easily distracted!
What am I
now?
A
toddler?
"Dude!
Can't get too far without your car keys,
eh?"
I stared
with utter disdain at the keys.
I began to
rationalize in my mind!
"Leaving
keys behind hardly makes a man
elderly!
It could
happen to
anyone!"
I turned
and headed back to the truck.
I slipped
the key into the ignition, but it wouldn't
turn.
What
now?
I checked
my keys and tried another.
Still
nothing.
That's when I noticed the
purple
beads hanging
from my rear view mirror.
I had no
purple
beads hanging
from my rear view mirror.
Then, a few
other objects came into focus:
The car
seat in the back seat.
Happy Meal
toys spread all over the
floorboard.
A
partially eaten dough nut on the
dashboard.
Faster than you can say
ginkgo
biloba, I flew
out of the alien
vehicle.
Moments later I was speeding out
of the parking lot,
relieved
to finally be leaving this nightmarish stop in
my life.
That is
when I felt it, deep in the bowels of my
stomach: hunger!
My stomach
growled and churned, and I reached to grab my
burrito,
only it
was nowhere to be found.
I swung the
truck around, gathered my
courage,
and strode
back into the restaurant one final
time.
There Elmo
stood, draped in youth and black nail
polish.
All I
could think was, "What is
the world coming
to?"
All I
could say was, "Did I
leave my food and drink in
here"?
At this
point I was ready to ask a Boy Scout to help me
back to my vehicle,
and then
go straight home and apply for Social Security
benefits.
Elmo had no
clue.
I walked
back out to the truck,
and
suddenly a young lad came up and tugged on my
jeans to get my attention.
He was
holding up a drink and a bag.
His mother
explained,
"I think
you left this in my truck by
mistake."
I took the
food and drink from the little boy and
sheepishly apologized.
She offered these
kind words:
"It's OK.
My grandfather does stuff like this all the
time."
All of
this is to explain how I got a ticket doing 85
in a 40 mph zone.
Yessss, I was
