I used to be a heavy drinker. My doctor told me t

I used to be a heavy drinker. My doctor told me to watch my drinking. So I only drink in front of a mirror.

Then my doctor told me to quit drinking for good. So I bought a Darth Vader suit, watched horror movies and drank for bad.

A nice man once asked me if I had been drinking. I am an honest man and told hie "Yes". Well, that was the shortest job interview I ever had.

But, I don't drink anymore. I don't drink any less either.

I had an era that I did drugs. The same day I quit drugs, my dog quit talking to me, sad day. Then a few days later it occurred to me that I did not have a dog.