Here's the Most Batsh*t Sentence You'll Read All

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Here's the Most Batsh*t Sentence You'll Read All Week

What your retirement plan needs is more junk food.

Say Goodbye to Your Life Savings (Again)




By Jack Holmes
Feb 3, 2017


You know what they say about your 401k: Throw it all on red. Donald Trump's White House has signaled its intention to roll back all kinds of Wall Street regulation put in place after the 2008 financial meltdown—the one that nearly collapsed the world economy.

One component of that was "the so-called fiduciary rule," according to The Wall Street Journal, which was kind enough to explain what the socialist heathens in President Obama's Labor Department had in mind when they crafted it:

[The rule] holds brokers and advisers who work with tax-advantaged retirement savings to a fiduciary standard as opposed to the previous suitability standard. That means they must work in the best interest of their clients and generally avoid conflicts, which can come about with the commission-based compensation common among brokers and insurance agents.

You mean Obama's White House demanded that the service a business provides to paying customers actually benefit those customers? Get outta town.

No, really. That's the message from White House National Economic Council Director Gary Cohn, who left his gig as president of populist swamp drainage company Goldman Sachs to more effectively drain the swamp in the Trump administration. Cohn explained that firefighters and teachers hoping to fund their lives in retirement just need to live a little:

"We think it is a bad rule. It is a bad rule for consumers," said White House National Economic Council Director Gary Cohn in an interview with The Wall Street Journal on Thursday. "This is like putting only healthy food on the menu, because unhealthy food tastes good but you still shouldn't eat it because you might die younger."

WTF?!. No, no, that's not strong enough. WHAT THE FUCK?! There, that works. I was tempted to ask 'do you rightys actually LIKE having your intelligence insulted?'. But then I remembered.

Why only stock your portfolio with healthy investments that will grow over the years that you know will be there for when you want to stop working? Throw some junk bonds in there—they taste great! Never mind that one of the main goals of a retirement plan is to not have your money die young.

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