I can assure you that I'd never go out into a crow

I can assure you that I'd never go out into a crowd the day before Thanksgiving without my industrial strength Repubco Neck Guard. My Dainty Darling Dove bought it for me right after she made sure my life insurance premiums were up to date. Hmmmm, this thing seems way too thin to be considered industrial strength. I wonder if I should trust a Chicagoite/Chicagoin/nutcakeingeneral?