See you your 20 and raise you 30. Oh sh*t, you're holding a very weak hand. Why don't you just fold? LOL!
Quote:Top 50 Dumbest Conservative Quotes
When politicians and pundits mess up, flub their words, or make Freudian slips, they often do so in the most spectacularly hilarious ways.
Former Vice President Dan Quayle reminded us not to lose our minds. (That would be a truly terrible loss, after all.) And Sarah Palin volunteered that that she was keeping an eye on Putin -- and on all of Russia -- from her perch up there in Alaska (you betcha!).
Below, you'll find 50 more of the dumbest conservative quotes we've come across.
No matter what your politics, we hope you'll have a good laugh.
1. "When the President does it, that means that it's not illegal." ~ Richard M. Nixon
2. "We spent a lot of time talking about Africa, as we should. Africa is a nation that suffers from incredible disease." ~ President George W. Bush
3. "The only way to reduce the number of nuclear weapons is to use them." ~ Rush Limbaugh
4.''My grandmother was not a highly educated woman, but she told me as a small child to quit feeding stray animals. You know why? Because they breed. You're facilitating the problem if you give an animal or a person ample food supply. They will reproduce, especially ones that don't think too much further than that. And so what you've got to do is you've got to curtail that type of behavior. They don't know any better.'' ~ South Carolina Lt. Gov. Andre Bauer, arguing against government food assistance for poor residents.
5."The ACLU is to Christians what the American Nazi party is to Jews." ~ Jerry Falwell
6. ''Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on you.'' ~ Rep. Virginia Foxx (R-North Carolina)
7.''We need to uptick our image with everyone, including one-armed midgets." ~ Republican National Committee Chairman Michael Steele.
8."You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test." ~ George W. Bush
9.''Feminism was established so as to allow unattractive women easier access to the mainstream of society.'' ~ Rush Limbaugh
10."I couldn't imagine somebody like Osama bin Laden understanding the joy of Chanukah." ~ President George W. Bush
11."Carbon dioxide is portrayed as harmful. But there isn't even one study that can be produced that shows that carbon dioxide is a harmful gas.'' ~ Rep. Michelle Bachmann
12.''The greatest threat to America is not necessarily a recession or even another terrorist attack. The greatest threat to America is a liberal media bias.'' ~ Rep. Lamar Smith (R-TX)
13."He is purple - the gay-pride color, and his antenna is shaped like a triangle - the gay pride symbol." ~ Jerry Falwell's warning to parents that "Tinky Winky," a character on Teletubbies, may be gay
14."Welcome to President Bush, Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts." ~ Dan Quayle
15.''The feminist agenda is not about equal rights for women. It is about a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians.'' ~ Pat Robertson
16."Ground Zero Mosque supporters: doesn't it stab you in the heart, as it does ours throughout the heartland? Peaceful Muslims, pls refudiate." ~ Sarah Palin
17."'Refudiate,' 'misunderestimate,' 'wee-wee'd up.' English is a living language. Shakespeare liked to coin new words too. Got to celebrate it!'" ~ Sarah Palin
18."Go back to what our founders and our founding documents meant -- they're quite clear -- that we would create law based on the God of the bible and the Ten Commandments." ~ Sarah Palin
19."What I don't know is what the unexpected might be." ~ John McCain
20."We have a lot of work to do. It's a very hard struggle, particularly given the situation on the Iraq-Pakistan border." ~ John McCain (the countries share no common border)
21."I love California; I practically grew up in Phoenix." ~ Dan Quayle
22."If we took away women's right to vote, we'd never have to worry about another Democrat president.'' ~ Ann Coulter
23.''I find it interesting that it was back in the 1970s that the swine flu broke out under another, then under another Democrat president, Jimmy Carter. I'm not blaming this on President Obama, I just think it's an interesting coincidence.'' ~ Rep. Michele Bachmann
24."We just want Jews to be perfected, as they say." ~ Ann Coulter
25."I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully." ~ George W. Bush
26."Do you have blacks, too?" ~ George W. Bush
27.''We need to execute people like (John Walker Lindh) in order to physically intimidate liberals.'' ~ Ann Coulter
28."When I see a 9/11 victim family on television, or whatever, I'm just like, 'Oh shut up' I'm so sick of them because they're always complaining." ~ Glenn Beck
29."I'll be long gone before some smart person ever figures out what happened inside this Oval Office." ~ George W. Bush
30. "Well, I learned a lot....I went down to (Latin America) to find out from them and (learn) their views. You'd be surprised. They're all individual countries" ~ Ronald Reagan
31.''I even accept for the sake of argument that sexual orgies eliminate social tensions and ought to be encouraged.'' ~ Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia
32."Rarely is the questioned asked: Is our children learning?" ~ George W. Bush
33."Exercise freaks ... are the ones putting stress on the health care system." ~ Rush Limbaugh
34."As yesterday's positive report card shows, childrens do learn when standards are high and results are measured." ~ George W. Bush
35."Good Christians, like slaves and soldiers, ask no questions." ~ Jerry Falwell
36."If this were a dictatorship, it'd be a heck of a lot easier, just so long as I'm the dictator." ~ George W. Bush
37."I am not worried about the deficit. It is big enough to take care of itself." ~ Ronald Reagan
38."Grown men should not be having sex with prostitutes unless they are married to them." ~ Jerry Falwell
39.''It may be a blessing in disguise. ... Something happened a long time ago in Haiti, and people might not want to talk about it. Haitians were originally under the heel of the French. You know, Napoleon the third, or whatever. And they got together and swore a pact to the devil. They said, we will serve you if you will get us free from the French. True story. And so, the devil said, okay it's a deal. Ever since they have been cursed by one thing after the other.'' ~ Pat Robertson
40."AIDS is not just God's punishment for homosexuals; it is God's punishment for the society that tolerates homosexuals." ~Jerry Falwell
41."Facts are stupid things." ~ Ronald Reagan
42."Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." ~ George W. Bush
43."There's an old saying in Tennessee -- I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee -- that says, fool me once, shame on --shame on you. Fool me -- you can't get fooled again." ~ George W. Bush
44."Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country." ~ George W. Bush
45."Trees cause more pollution than automobiles." ~ Ronald Reagan
46."This foreign policy stuff is a little frustrating." ~ George W. Bush
47."I would not say that the future is necessarily less predictable than the past. I think the past was not predictable when it started." ~ Donald Rumsfeld
48."She wears little eye-patch underwear. So, the other day she came here with her underwear, Thursday. And so, we had made love Wednesday--a lot! And so she'll, she's all, 'I am going up and down the stairs, and you're dripping out of me!' So messy!" ~ State Rep. Mike Duvall (R-Calif.) on a live mic referring to an affair with a lobbyist
49."I am here to make an announcement that this Thursday, ticket counters and airplanes will fly out of Ronald Reagan Airport." ~ George W. Bush
50."I think I was unprepared for war." ~ George W. Bush
