A Trump presidency would be a disaster, "this I am

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A Trump presidency would be a disaster, "this I am hearing".

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classy (adj.): Anything topped with mahogany; any and all golf courses owned and operated by Donald Trump; anything generally excellent; the necklace you give your third wife.

Head & Shoulders (n.): The best shampoo.

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A Major, Super-Classy List of Donald Trump’s Favorite Words and Phrases, for Everyone Who Is Not a Loser

By Jaime Fuller and Claire Landsbaum
http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2015/08/...onary.html



Photo: GENE TAYLOR/GENE TAYLOR

December 22, 2015 3:34 p.m.

Armed with Twitter and a growing band of converts, capitalism-powered perpetual-motion performance artist Donald Trump is still the Republican front-runner as the year comes to a close.

So far his platform consists of promising to “make America great again,” although he has yet to discuss exactly how this will happen if he’s elected — although it is clear that it involves a lot of bombing and feats of strength.

Luckily, Trump is an expert at diversions, and his campaign antics have drawn attention away from any real issues. When you have a set of memorized insults and outlandish claims at your disposal, concrete details are overrated.

We’ve compiled a list — now in its second edition — of his favorite words and phrases. Don’t bother using them sparingly — repetition is key.

This glossary has been updated.

A
amazing (adj.): The opposite of a loser. See classy.

Ailes, Roger (n.): Great, a special guy, a good friend who runs a sometimes awful and unfair media organization. We spoke only two minutes ago. (Well not completely up to date. LOL!)

The Art of the Deal (n.): The best-selling guide to thinking big; required reading for all presidential candidates; the second-greatest book of all time. See Bible.

B
bankruptcy (n.): Something that “many, many others on top of the business world” do; sometimes a “fantastic deal”; “really just a technical thing”; it’s not “a failure, it’s a success.”

Batman (n.): See Donald Trump.

belt buckle (n.): Something that definitely wouldn’t stop a knife.

Bible (n.): The greatest book, even better than No. 1 best seller The Art of the Deal; “just incredible.”

bing bing bong bong bing bing bing (n.): The sound lobbyists make when they are controlling the losers that run this country.

brand (n.): Something that is super-classy and worth billions; an indescribable natural wonder that compels people to buy Donald Trump–brand water; a priceless commodity measured by the ever-changing weather patterns of Donald Trump’s feelings.


Brand, Russell (n): Major loser; the wrong type of brand.


buffoon (n.): A word low-energy people allegedly use to describe winners like Donald Trump. See clown, low-energy.


Bush, George (n.): “Probably the worst president in the history of the United States.”


Bush, Jeb (n.): “A very, very low-energy person.”


C
Carson, Ben (n.): Someone who has a “pathological disease”; someone whom Donald Trump likes.


China (n.): One of the reasons America is not great; a word that must be uttered Carrie Mathison style — your entire face must look like it is chewing a piece of gum.


Citizen Kane (n.): The best movie.


civilly (adv.): How to treat people who don’t attack you first.


classy (adj.): Anything topped with mahogany; any and all golf courses owned and operated by Donald Trump; anything generally excellent; the necklace you give your third wife.


Clinton, Hillary (n.): Someone who “lies like crazy” but not enough to not invite her to your wedding or give her campaign donations.


clown (n.): A word that haters and losers use to describe great guys like Donald Trump. See New York Daily News.

Cruz, Ted (n.): Someone who agrees with Donald Trump “100 percent” and might make a great vice-president.

D
daughter (n.): Someone with great genes whom you might date if she weren’t related to you.

debates (n.): Super boring discussions that are too long that no one would watch if Trump weren’t involved.


Democratic Party (n.) A political organization Donald Trump identified with in 2004; a political platform he would like to squash in 2016.

deviant (n.): Anyone dumb enough to misunderstand Donald Trump’s good intentions; someone who makes menstruation jokes, e.g., Erick Erickson.

Drudge, Matt (n.): A fantastic guy.

The Drudge Report (n.): The best website.

E
ego (n.): Something winners have and losers don’t.


English (n.): The language you should speak in the United States; the language in which you say, “Make America great again.” See China, Mexicans.


F
fantastic (adj.): Linguistic seasoning that turns sentences into quotes. See quotes, huge, loser.


Fox News (n.): The backstabbing loser.


G
going to the bathroom (v.): Something that is “disgusting.”


golf (n.): A super-luxury game for classy people; something Donald Trump definitely doesn’t cheat at.

GOP (n.): An acronym where none of the letters stand for Trump, at least not yet; a weak entity that is defenseless against schemes to make America great again.

got schlonged (v.): A way to explain what happened to Hillary Clinton in the 2008 presidential election that is not currently endorsed by any linguistic or political scholar; according to Merriam-Webster, a vulgar slang word for penis.

great (adj.): The equivalent of “um” or “ah.”

great again (state of being): America under President Trump.

great athlete (n.): Tom Brady, Matt Harvey.

great guy (n.): Tom Brady, John McCain, Jeff Sessions, Jerry Jones, Mark Cuban, Roger Ailes, Bill O’Reilly, Mike Ditka, Rush Limbaugh, Carl Icahn, Reince Priebus, and Jeff Zucker. See Matt Drudge.


H
hair (state of being): A Cubist sculpture that defies the laws of physics and adds billions to Donald Trump’s brand.


haters and losers (n.): People who fail to recognize that Trump and super-classy are synonyms; the intended audience of 75 percent of Donald Trump tweets. See tweet.


Head & Shoulders (n.): The best shampoo.


huge (adj.): Impossible to ignore; a great adjective.


huge(ly) class(y) (adj.): A generally excellent thing that is impossible to ignore. See Donald Trump.


I
illegals (n.): Undocumented immigrants that “have to go”; criminals spreading Ebola; the people you have to build a wall to keep out. ​See immigrants.


immigrants (n.): Drug runners; luxury-hotel builders; possibly the people doing the raping.


ISIS (n.): An awful terrorist organization that will be in “such trouble” when President Trump takes “them out so fast.”


J
Jews (n.): Negotiators, just like Donald Trump; people who want to control politicians with all their money.


Jones, Alex (n.): A person whose reputation is amazing.


journalists who write about Donald Trump (n.): People without great writing ability who are also not best-selling authors; dishonest slobs who don’t understand sarcasm; people whom Donald Trump would not have murdered. See loser.






K
Kelly, Megyn (n.): A bimbo; someone who asks really unfair debate questions.


L
lightweight (n.): An inconsequential person. See loser.


loser (n.): Everyone who disagrees with Donald Trump; a person who is rendered useless by his inability to help increase the value of Donald Trump’s brand; what Donald Trump will be if he doesn’t win the 2016 presidential election.


love (v.): A synonym for met once or know, but far more succinct. Should preface most insults, criticisms, and compliments, in order to give them more weight — or at least increase the value of your brand.


low-energy (adj.): Description for Republican presidential candidates who aren’t Donald Trump — but are also not low enough in the polls to be called losers.


M
Merry Christmas: Something that Americans will say all the time during the Trump administration.


Mexicans (n.): Rapists, criminals, or good people.


Mexico wall (n.): An easy, inexpensive fix to keep undocumented immigrants out of the U.S.; something that does not exist but that will be big and beautiful and have a big and beautiful door; something that Mexico will pay for.


Miss Universe Pageant (n.): An event that worked far better when Donald Trump owned it.


Monopoly (n.): A game that is not Trump the Game and should thus be fired.


moron (n.) See loser.


mosques (n.): Places of worship that we should maybe close and definitely keep an eye on.


Muslims (n.): An entire group of people that should be completely banned for entering the U.S.; “wonderful people,” many of whom are friends with Trump.


N
New Jersey (n.): Where thousands of Muslim-Americans cheered after 9/11 — something that has never been proved by contemporary news reports.


New York Daily News (n.): A loser newspaper.


O
orange (adj.): A super-luxury hair color; the color of a radiant sunbeam emanating from the brains of classy people that looks best combed forward until it reaches your nose, and then folded back.


Obama, Barack (n.): An overrated world leader who may or may not have been born in the United States, no one really knows.


overrated (adj.): A word that describes most haters and losers; all ideas Donald Trump disagrees with.


P
Pattinson, Robert (n.): A classy actor who should not date Kristen Stewart.


people who tweet “Fuckface Von Clownstick” (n.): Haters and losers who think they are so original. See haters and losers.


political donations (n.): Wedding invitations.


polls (n.): Daily Donald Trump Christmas presents; a reflection of Donald Trump’s ego; the truth; evidence that proves the superiority of truly classy people.


protesters (n.): People who are not classy, “very obnoxious,” and loud, who maybe deserve to be “roughed up.”


Putin, Vladimir (n.): Someone President Trump would have a great relationship with who is definitely a way better leader than Barack Obama.


Q
quotes (n.): Donald Trump’s greatest natural resource.


R
real estate (n.): A way to make money that is solid, tangible, artistic, and beautiful. A great way to get your name on tall buildings.






refugees (n.): Maybe terrorists in disguise; maybe “one of the great Trojan horses.”


Roosevelt, Franklin Delano (n.): A president who is highly respected and who people name highways after; someone who did what he needed to during war; a leader who shows that banning all Muslims isn’t a bad idea. See Muslims.


Rubio, Marco (n.): Someone who is “weak like a baby” and sweaty.


running as an independent (n.): A super-luxury bargaining chip; a way to Inception into Reince Priebus’s dreams to give him nightmares.


S
slob (n.): See loser.


something terrific (adj.): What President Trump will replace Obamacare with.


space (n.): Something that is “terrific,” especially in the old days, but is now less important than potholes.


Starbucks (n.): A coffee purveyor that great Americans should maybe boycott.


steak (n.): A slab of dead cow that becomes classy when you add the prefix Trump; a source of expensive energy that helps convert fat into ideas that raise the stakes; the subject of the classiest ad campaign of all time.


super-luxury (adj.): More classy than luxury, but not as hugely classy as super-super-luxury.


T
$10 BILLION (n.): Donald Trump’s net worth, according to Donald Trump.


terrific (adj.): A word that compresses the sublime classiness of Donald Trump’s ideas and friends into three syllables.


the (art.): A definite article placed before given names to add billions to your brand.


total loser (n.): Frank Luntz, Karl Rove, Rosie O’Donnell.


tremendous (adj.): A verbal bedazzler that turns any regular old statement or policy idea into one of the greatest ideas of all time.


Trump, Donald (state of being): “The very definition of the American success story“; the healthiest person who would ever be elected to the presidency.


tweet (n.): A political platform; a way to call out losers; tweet (v.): To strike fear in the hearts of one’s opponents.


$2.9 billion (n.): Donald Trump’s net worth, according to financial documents.


U
ugly (adj.): See women.


unbelievable (adj.): Something that is believable, but also amazing.


V
very pro-choice (adj.): Donald Trump’s opinion on abortion in 1999.


very, very strong (adj.): A word that describes how President Trump will be on every single issue.


vodka (n.): Something that is not super-premium unless you attach the prefix Trump; something used to make Trump-and-tonics and Trumptinis; a failed business idea that did not prove to be “success distilled.”


W
war hero (n.): Someone who doesn’t get captured.


the war in Iraq (n.): Something that Donald Trump always knew was a bad idea after it started.


the war against ISIS (n.): Something that President Donald Trump would win by bombing the shit out of terrorists and knocking the hell out of them and killing militants’ families.


Washington (n.): A dump.


waterboarding (n.): Something that terrorists deserve, even if it doesn’t work.


West, Kanye (n.): A much better person than most people think.


Wharton School of Finance (n.): “The hardest, or one of the hardest schools to get into.”

wherever (n.): The female anatomy.


whine (v.): Something winners do to win.


winning (n.): The only word that will exist under President Trump, which seems like it might be monotonous, but you definitely won’t get bored.


women (n.): “Cow,” “pig,” “animal,” “grotesque”; “disgusting”; the sex Donald Trump cherishes and wants to help more than any other candidate.


X
xenophobia (n.): Definitely not why Donald Trump is leading the GOP race in recent polls, no sir, absolutely not, Trump loves Japan, China, and Mexico. See immigrants, Mexicans.


Y
yes (n.): The only word people should use when talking with Donald Trump, if they know what’s good for them.


Z
zero (adj.): The number of chances Carly Fiorina has to win the Republican nomination; the probability that someone who is worth less than Trump’s Gucci store will become president.

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