DNC Night 3: Obama, Biden, and Bloomberg Aren't F*

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DNC Night 3: Obama, Biden, and Bloomberg Aren't F*cking Around

The point of the speeches at the Democratic National Convention last night was simple: Donald Trump is in way, way over his idiotically coiffed head.

As the Republican nominee stumblef*cks his way through the election, as he alienates our allies and gives comfort to those who want to drag this nation down, it is blatantly apparent that he doesn't know what the f*ck to do with the job he pretends he wants.

Put it this way: if you were interviewing someone for the job of president, of Commander-in-Chief, you would have cut Trump solely on his resume'.

But if he lucked into an interview because of all the bullsh*t and spin and outright lies on it, well, talking to him for two minutes would show that he hasn't spent a f*cking second really studying what the job entails. F*ck that guy, you'd think, f*ck him for wasting all of our time. And you'd kick his ass all the way back to his gaudy tower.

Or you could say, as Vice-President Joe Biden did last night, "This is a complicated and uncertain world we live in. The threats are too great, the times are too uncertain, to elect Donald Trump as president of the United States. Let me finish, no major party, no major party nominee in the history of the station has ever known less or been less prepared to deal with our national security."

You think?

The repudiation of Trumpism was positively brutal at times last night. The strategy was almost Karl Rove-esque, going right at the very things that supposedly qualify him to be president, the business acumen and success. And it was cathartic for some of the speakers. Michael Bloomberg stuck a knife in Trump's back and then pulled it out and cut off his balls.

"I’ve built a business, and I didn’t start it with a million-dollar check from my father," Bloomberg offered, undermining everything about the supposed toughness of Trump, this wannabe, this poseur, this fake badass. We know who you are, Bloomberg was saying, we rich f*cks, and you have grown too big for your tailored britches.

And President Obama was even more savage, painting Trump as a goddamned pr*ck, "He calls himself a business guy, which is true, but I have to say, I know plenty of businessmen and women who’ve achieved remarkable success without leaving a trail of lawsuits, and unpaid workers, and people feeling like they got cheated," Obama said.

"Does anyone really believe that a guy who’s spent his 70 years on this Earth showing no regard for working people is suddenly going to be your champion? Your voice?"

Obama was also giving a version of the valedictory speech he will no doubt deliver in December or January. Here, though, instead of taking a victory lap, which he did a bit, he put to the voters a challenge, asking them if they trust him enough not to f*ck up his legacy, and, if they trust him, trust in Hillary Clinton.

Goddamn, for all the criticism I've had about Obama, I'm gonna miss this president.

Ultimately, though, this was all just part of the team setting the volleyball up so Clinton herself can spike it. She has been described in the most glowing terms so far, as a champion of so many causes (and not because she called up some people when she decided to run for president like a certain Trump we all know). Obama was willing to grant that there are people who don't like her.

But, again and again, it comes back to a simple comparison: one candidate is so f*cking unprepared that he doesn't even know who to ask to be his advisers, and one can stride into office and pick up where we left off.

You could see on Obama's face, as he described Trump, that he was stumped that the nation would even consider the former. As we all are, Mr. President.

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