I can't stand lactose intolerant people who work at ice cream parlors. They can dish it out but they can't take it.
One of my personalities goes to the grocery store and buys healthy food.
Now, I can't find anything to eat in the fridge.
So if you eat what you like and don't exercise, eventually you get a motorized scooter.
I'm really not seeing the down side here.
My wife and I have been dieting together for a week so it'd probably be safer for me to come home smelling like perfume than a Snickers bar.
Wait - my gym moved?
In 1997?
The only thing more shocking than finding water on planet Mars would be finding me in Planet Fitness.
Studies show that, on average, humans kept in cubicles live just as long as free-range humans.
Everybody was Feng Shui fighting, those cats improved my ambient lighting.
My last relationship was so bad, it featured Pitbull.
A car with a roof rack looked like a police car, so I slowed down, only to realize I had been tricked into obeying the law FOR NO REASON.
If you're having second thoughts, you're 2 ahead of most people.
I need some sun.
My legs are so white they just drove to Whole Foods in their Prius.
Failed my wasp collection exam. Got a bee.
When the doctor starts putting on latex gloves at your next physical, a fun thing to do is to whip out your own pair & put them on too.
He died doing what he loved: trying to put socks on with wet feet while standing next to a cliff.
Welcome to woodworking club, please make a seat.
My friends are like "hey come camping with us this weekend" & I'm like "I can't, I have to get new friends."
One of my personalities goes to the grocery store and buys healthy food.
Now, I can't find anything to eat in the fridge.
So if you eat what you like and don't exercise, eventually you get a motorized scooter.
I'm really not seeing the down side here.
My wife and I have been dieting together for a week so it'd probably be safer for me to come home smelling like perfume than a Snickers bar.
Wait - my gym moved?
In 1997?
The only thing more shocking than finding water on planet Mars would be finding me in Planet Fitness.
Studies show that, on average, humans kept in cubicles live just as long as free-range humans.
Everybody was Feng Shui fighting, those cats improved my ambient lighting.
My last relationship was so bad, it featured Pitbull.
A car with a roof rack looked like a police car, so I slowed down, only to realize I had been tricked into obeying the law FOR NO REASON.
If you're having second thoughts, you're 2 ahead of most people.
I need some sun.
My legs are so white they just drove to Whole Foods in their Prius.
Failed my wasp collection exam. Got a bee.
When the doctor starts putting on latex gloves at your next physical, a fun thing to do is to whip out your own pair & put them on too.
He died doing what he loved: trying to put socks on with wet feet while standing next to a cliff.
Welcome to woodworking club, please make a seat.
My friends are like "hey come camping with us this weekend" & I'm like "I can't, I have to get new friends."
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