BEST ones EVER!!! Subject: uh, well better left u
Post# of 5246
Posted On: 11/23/2015 12:34:55 PM
BEST ones EVER!!!
Subject: uh, well better left unsaid
> 1. I got invited to a party and was told to dress to kill.
> Apparently a turban, beard and a backpack wasn't what they
> had in mind.
>
> 2. After a night of drink, drugs and wild sex, Joel woke up
> to find himself next to a really ugly woman. ...That's when
> he realized he had made it home safely.
>
> 3. Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the
> Para-Olympics after they tested positive for WD-40.
>
> 4. A boy asks his granny, 'Have you seen my pills, they were
> labeled LSD?' Granny replies, f**k the pills, have you seen
> the dragons in the kitchen?
>
> 5. Wife gets naked and asks hubby, 'What turns you on more,
> my pretty face or my sexy body? 'Hubby looks her up and down
> and replies, 'Your sense of humor!
>
> 6. The wife's back on the warpath again. She was up for
> making a sex movie last night and all I did was suggest we
> should hold auditions for her part.
>
> 7. I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next
> crap could spell disaster.
>
> 8. I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last
> night, ...or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.
>
> 9. After both suffering from depression for a while, me and
> the wife were going to commit suicide yesterday. But
> strangely enough, once she killed herself, I started to feel
> a lot better. So I thought, "Screw it, I'll...soldier on!"
>
> 10. I woke up this morning at 8 and could sense something
> was wrong. I got downstairs and found the wife face down on
> the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn't know
> what to do. Then I remembered McDonald's serves breakfast
> all day now.
>
> 11. Bought the misses a hamster skin coat last week. Took
> her to the fair last night and it took me 3 hours to get her
> off the Ferris wheel.
>
> 12. The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd
> slept with. I told her, "Only you. All the others kept me
> awake all night!"
>
> 13. My misses packed my bags and as I walked out the front
> door, she screamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death,
> you bastard!" "Oh," I replied, "...So now you want me
> to stay!"
Subject: uh, well better left unsaid
> 1. I got invited to a party and was told to dress to kill.
> Apparently a turban, beard and a backpack wasn't what they
> had in mind.
>
> 2. After a night of drink, drugs and wild sex, Joel woke up
> to find himself next to a really ugly woman. ...That's when
> he realized he had made it home safely.
>
> 3. Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the
> Para-Olympics after they tested positive for WD-40.
>
> 4. A boy asks his granny, 'Have you seen my pills, they were
> labeled LSD?' Granny replies, f**k the pills, have you seen
> the dragons in the kitchen?
>
> 5. Wife gets naked and asks hubby, 'What turns you on more,
> my pretty face or my sexy body? 'Hubby looks her up and down
> and replies, 'Your sense of humor!
>
> 6. The wife's back on the warpath again. She was up for
> making a sex movie last night and all I did was suggest we
> should hold auditions for her part.
>
> 7. I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next
> crap could spell disaster.
>
> 8. I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last
> night, ...or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.
>
> 9. After both suffering from depression for a while, me and
> the wife were going to commit suicide yesterday. But
> strangely enough, once she killed herself, I started to feel
> a lot better. So I thought, "Screw it, I'll...soldier on!"
>
> 10. I woke up this morning at 8 and could sense something
> was wrong. I got downstairs and found the wife face down on
> the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn't know
> what to do. Then I remembered McDonald's serves breakfast
> all day now.
>
> 11. Bought the misses a hamster skin coat last week. Took
> her to the fair last night and it took me 3 hours to get her
> off the Ferris wheel.
>
> 12. The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd
> slept with. I told her, "Only you. All the others kept me
> awake all night!"
>
> 13. My misses packed my bags and as I walked out the front
> door, she screamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death,
> you bastard!" "Oh," I replied, "...So now you want me
> to stay!"
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