HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2059

HEADLINES FROM THE
YEAR: 2059

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largestCountry in the world, Mexifornia,
formerly known as California.


White minorities still
trying to have English
recognized as the third language.


Spotted Owl plague threatens Northwestern United States crops and livestock.


Baby conceived naturally!
Scientists stumped.


Couple petitions court to
reinstate heterosexual
marriage.


Iran still closed off;
physicists estimate it will
take at least 10 more years beforeradioactivity decreases to safe levels.


France pleads for
global help after being
taken over by Jamaica.
No other country comes
forward to help the
beleaguered nation!

Last Castro finally dies
at age 112; Cuban cigars
can now be imported
legally, but President
Chelsea Clinton has
banned all smoking.


George Z. Bush says he
will run for President in 2060.


Postal Service raises
price of first class stamp
to $17.89 and reduces
mail delivery to
Wednesdays only.



Average weight of
Americans drops to
250 lbs.

85-year $75.8billion study:
Diet and exercise
is the key to weight loss.




Global cooling blamed
for citrus crop failure
for third consecutive
year in Mexifornia and
Floruba.


Japanese scientists have created a camera with such
a fast shutter speed they now can photograph a
woman with her mouth shut.


Abortion clinics now
available in every High School in United States.

Senate still blocking
drilling in ANWR even
though gas is selling
for 4532 Pesos per liter
and gas stations are
only open onTuesdays and Fridays.


Massachusettsexecutes
last remaining
conservative.


Supreme Court rules any punishment of criminals
violates their civil rights.


A Couple Finally Had
Sexual Harmony,
They had simultaneous
Headaches.



Average height of NBA
players is now nine feet
seven inches with only 5 illegitimate children.




New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up
newspapers must be
registered by January
2060.




IRS sets lowest tax rate
at 75 percent.


Floruba voters still
having trouble with
voting machines.


Now, send this to
whomever you want and
as many as you want,
then, guess what...
NOTHING will happen.
No miracles, no money, absolutely nothing, except you might make
someone smile or be
very veryscared.


I Love This Country!


It's The Government That
Scares Me!
Stop organized crime.
Re-elect no one.


Live Simply.. Love Generously..
Care Deeply.. Speak Kindly..
Leave The Rest To God.

NOT CONFIRMED BY SNOPES.

Guns have two enemies; Rust and Politicians .