What if the first tire-swing was left there as a

What if the first tire-swing was left there as a
warning to other tires?

My car is equipped with the best anti-theft
device in Florida.
They call it "No air conditioning".

Bought the cheapest possible Mercedes yesterday
'cause I needed to use the bathroom at the dealership.

When a woman has tissues at her bedside, she has a cold.
When a man has tissues at his bedside, he may have a cold.

Pretty nervous about the guy who dropped out of
mechanic school the second they showed us how to cut a brake line.

You guys know that there are things higher than
kites, right?

Dear white people,
You stop Adam Sandler from making movies and we'll stop Eddie Murphy.

You call it armed robbery, I call it people giving me gifts to celebrate my new gun!

Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but
my boss only gets mad when I don't come to work.

am extremely wise with credit cards and
only use them to buy the things I could never afford.

If adult diapers are called Depends, then baby diapers should be called Definitely.

I haven't used algebra in 3x-q years.