I keep a second pair of shoes at work, I don't wan
Post# of 5246
Posted On: 05/02/2014 9:31:13 PM
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I keep a second pair of shoes at work, I don't want people to recognize me in the toilet.
How many instruments do you have to suck at
before you start playing the triangle?
Dear Microsoft, If you had called it "Bang" instead of "Bing," you'd have destroyed Google.
Example: I banged Sofia Vergara last night.
Pregnancy test commercials would be a lot more
relatable if the women in them cursed and cried.
When I go to the movies alone, I take a
clipboard so everyone thinks I'm a professional movie reviewer and not an awkward friendless loner.
Purchased an hourglass for my desk at work to flip when people stop by to make them uncomfortable.
Women aren't that complicated. They just want an
honest and genuine guy who will give them insincere compliments they might not deserve.
Press "three" for Spanish,
and press "fo" for Ebonics.
If you get a new job before you quit your
old one, it's considered responsible.
But if you do that with your girlfriend, it's called cheating.
I might not be smarter than a 5th grader,
but I can buy beer.
I do love you for your mind, I just like your mind a lot more when you’re naked.
Dyslexics are teople poo!
If I ever meet someone who's been in a coma since 2004, I'm trying to sell them a USB drive for $150.
How many instruments do you have to suck at
before you start playing the triangle?
Dear Microsoft, If you had called it "Bang" instead of "Bing," you'd have destroyed Google.
Example: I banged Sofia Vergara last night.
Pregnancy test commercials would be a lot more
relatable if the women in them cursed and cried.
When I go to the movies alone, I take a
clipboard so everyone thinks I'm a professional movie reviewer and not an awkward friendless loner.
Purchased an hourglass for my desk at work to flip when people stop by to make them uncomfortable.
Women aren't that complicated. They just want an
honest and genuine guy who will give them insincere compliments they might not deserve.
Press "three" for Spanish,
and press "fo" for Ebonics.
If you get a new job before you quit your
old one, it's considered responsible.
But if you do that with your girlfriend, it's called cheating.
I might not be smarter than a 5th grader,
but I can buy beer.
I do love you for your mind, I just like your mind a lot more when you’re naked.
Dyslexics are teople poo!
If I ever meet someone who's been in a coma since 2004, I'm trying to sell them a USB drive for $150.
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