My wife is capable of multiple sarcasms. Autoc
Post# of 3036
Posted On: 05/02/2014 10:22:49 AM
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My wife is capable of multiple sarcasms.
Autocorrect has been around for a long time. I got mine when I married my wife.
The therapist told my wife to put some magic in
our marriage.
So she disappeared.
One day, we will all live in the future.
I just saw a disclaimer that said "don't try
this at home", so I tried it at my neighbors house.
I just signed up for a well known diet plan.
So far, all I've lost is $200.
My mental post-it notes have no stickum.
Dance like no one's watching. Sing like no one's
listening, and live everyday like Maury told you its not your baby.
My wife left me with my 6 year old and my
3 year old... and as if that's not bad enough, she left the 6 year old in charge.
I remember that Paul McCartney song like it was
Yesterday.
I thought watching Hoarders would encourage me to clean up.
But all I could think was, "Hey, my place ain't that bad!"
I just can't seem to get a girlfriend
even though I can speak two languages fluently.
English and Klingon.
I leave notes on people's windshields
telling them I smashed their car and did an amazing job fixing it.
Ever since I misplaced my dictionary,I've been at a loss for words.
When the clock factory burned, there was some
second hand smoke.
"Failed to forward chain letter to 5 friends"
is what I want my tombstone to read.
Autocorrect has been around for a long time. I got mine when I married my wife.
The therapist told my wife to put some magic in
our marriage.
So she disappeared.
One day, we will all live in the future.
I just saw a disclaimer that said "don't try
this at home", so I tried it at my neighbors house.
I just signed up for a well known diet plan.
So far, all I've lost is $200.
My mental post-it notes have no stickum.
Dance like no one's watching. Sing like no one's
listening, and live everyday like Maury told you its not your baby.
My wife left me with my 6 year old and my
3 year old... and as if that's not bad enough, she left the 6 year old in charge.
I remember that Paul McCartney song like it was
Yesterday.
I thought watching Hoarders would encourage me to clean up.
But all I could think was, "Hey, my place ain't that bad!"
I just can't seem to get a girlfriend
even though I can speak two languages fluently.
English and Klingon.
I leave notes on people's windshields
telling them I smashed their car and did an amazing job fixing it.
Ever since I misplaced my dictionary,I've been at a loss for words.
When the clock factory burned, there was some
second hand smoke.
"Failed to forward chain letter to 5 friends"
is what I want my tombstone to read.
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