*A TRIP TO COSTCO*

*Yesterday I was at  my local COSTCO buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Jake, the Wonder Dog and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did  she think I had, an  elephant?

So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told  her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting  the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably  shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital  last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I woke up in an intensive care ward with tubes  coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in  both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry.

The food is *nutritionally complete* so  it works well and I was going to try it again.  (I have to mention here that practically  everyone in line was now enthralled with my story).

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff a poodle's ass and a car hit  me.

I thought the guy behind her was  going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

Costco won't let me shop there anymore.

Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.