The Unexpected Antidote to Procrastination
Peter Bregman | Jun 04, 2013
A recent early morninghikein Malibu, California, led meto a beach, whereI sat ona rock and watched surfers. I marveled at these courageousmenand womenwho wokebeforedawn, endured freezing water, paddled throughbarreling waves, and evenrisked shark attacks, all for thesakeof, maybe, catchinganepicride.
After about 15 minutes, it waseasy to tell thesurfersapart by their styleof surfing, their handlingof the board, their skill, and their playfulness.
What really struck methough, was what they had incommon. No matter how good, how experienced, how graceful they wereonthewave, every surfer ended their ridein precisely thesameway: By falling.
Somehad funwiththeir fall, while otherstried desperately to avoid it. And not all fallswerefailures--somefell into thewater only when their wavefizzled and their ride ended.
But here'swhat I found most interesting: Theonly difference betweena failureand a fizzlewas theelement of surprise. Inall cases, thesurfer endsup inthewater. There'sno other possibleway to wrap up a ride.
That got methinking: What if weall lived lifelikea surfer ona wave?
Theanswer that kept comingto me wasthat wewould takemorerisks.
That difficult conversationwith your boss(or employee, or colleague, or partner, or spouse) that you'vebeenavoiding? You'd initiateit.
That proposal (or article, or book, or email) you'vebeenputtingoff? You'd start it.
That new business(or product, or salesstrategy, or investment) you've beenoveranalyzing? You'd follow through.
And whenyoufell -- becauseif you takerisks, youwill fall -- you'd get back ontheboard and paddleback into thesurf. That'swhat every singleoneof thesurfersdid.
So why don't welivelifethat way? Why don't weaccept falling-- even if it'sa failure-- aspart of theride?
Becausewe'reafraid of feeling.
Think about it: Inall those situations, our greatest fear isthat wewill feel somethingunpleasant.
What if youhavethat scary conversationyou'vebeenavoiding and it endstherelationship? It would hurt.
What if youfollow throughonthe businessidea and losemoney? It would feel terrible.
What if yousubmitted theproposal and youwererejected? It would feel awful.
Here'sthething: Moreoftenthan not, our fear doesn't help usavoid thefeelings; it simply subjectsusto themfor anagonizingly longtime. Wefeel thesufferingof procrastination, or thefrustrationof a stuck relationship. I know partnershipsthat dragalong painfully for yearsbecause no one is willing to speak about the elephant in the room. Taking risks, and falling, isnot something to avoid. It's something to cultivate. But how?
Practice.
Which you get by taking risks, feeling whatever you end up feeling, recognizing that it didn't kill you, and then getting onthe board and paddling back into the surf.
Have that difficult conversation. Listen without defensiveness when your colleague criticizesyou. Name the elephant in the room. Get rejected.
And feel it all. Feel the anticipation of the risk. Feel thepre-risk cringe. Then, during the risk, and after, take a deep breath and feel that too.
You'll become familiar with those feelingsand, believe it or not, you'll start to enjoy them. Eventhe ones you think of as unpleasant. Because feeling iswhat tellsyou you're alive.
You know that sensation you get after you've done or said something weird or awkward? How you turn around and kind of wince in embarrassment? Next time that happens, take a moment to really feel it.
When youdo, you'll realizeit's not so bad. Maybeyou'll admit, "I don't know why I just said that," and apologize. Then maybeyou'll both laugh it off. Or maybe you'll get into that conversationyou've been avoiding for yearsbut you know you need to have.
Soon, you won't fear feeling. You'll pursue it like thosecourageous early morning surfers. You'll wake up before dawnand diveinto those scary conversationsand difficult proposals. You'll take the risksthat oncescared you. And you'll fall; sometimes you'll even fail.
Then you'll get up and do it again.
Peter Bregman | Jun 04, 2013
A recent early morninghikein Malibu, California, led meto a beach, whereI sat ona rock and watched surfers. I marveled at these courageousmenand womenwho wokebeforedawn, endured freezing water, paddled throughbarreling waves, and evenrisked shark attacks, all for thesakeof, maybe, catchinganepicride.
After about 15 minutes, it waseasy to tell thesurfersapart by their styleof surfing, their handlingof the board, their skill, and their playfulness.
What really struck methough, was what they had incommon. No matter how good, how experienced, how graceful they wereonthewave, every surfer ended their ridein precisely thesameway: By falling.
Somehad funwiththeir fall, while otherstried desperately to avoid it. And not all fallswerefailures--somefell into thewater only when their wavefizzled and their ride ended.
But here'swhat I found most interesting: Theonly difference betweena failureand a fizzlewas theelement of surprise. Inall cases, thesurfer endsup inthewater. There'sno other possibleway to wrap up a ride.
That got methinking: What if weall lived lifelikea surfer ona wave?
Theanswer that kept comingto me wasthat wewould takemorerisks.
That difficult conversationwith your boss(or employee, or colleague, or partner, or spouse) that you'vebeenavoiding? You'd initiateit.
That proposal (or article, or book, or email) you'vebeenputtingoff? You'd start it.
That new business(or product, or salesstrategy, or investment) you've beenoveranalyzing? You'd follow through.
And whenyoufell -- becauseif you takerisks, youwill fall -- you'd get back ontheboard and paddleback into thesurf. That'swhat every singleoneof thesurfersdid.
So why don't welivelifethat way? Why don't weaccept falling-- even if it'sa failure-- aspart of theride?
Becausewe'reafraid of feeling.
Think about it: Inall those situations, our greatest fear isthat wewill feel somethingunpleasant.
What if youhavethat scary conversationyou'vebeenavoiding and it endstherelationship? It would hurt.
What if youfollow throughonthe businessidea and losemoney? It would feel terrible.
What if yousubmitted theproposal and youwererejected? It would feel awful.
Here'sthething: Moreoftenthan not, our fear doesn't help usavoid thefeelings; it simply subjectsusto themfor anagonizingly longtime. Wefeel thesufferingof procrastination, or thefrustrationof a stuck relationship. I know partnershipsthat dragalong painfully for yearsbecause no one is willing to speak about the elephant in the room. Taking risks, and falling, isnot something to avoid. It's something to cultivate. But how?
Practice.
Which you get by taking risks, feeling whatever you end up feeling, recognizing that it didn't kill you, and then getting onthe board and paddling back into the surf.
Have that difficult conversation. Listen without defensiveness when your colleague criticizesyou. Name the elephant in the room. Get rejected.
And feel it all. Feel the anticipation of the risk. Feel thepre-risk cringe. Then, during the risk, and after, take a deep breath and feel that too.
You'll become familiar with those feelingsand, believe it or not, you'll start to enjoy them. Eventhe ones you think of as unpleasant. Because feeling iswhat tellsyou you're alive.
You know that sensation you get after you've done or said something weird or awkward? How you turn around and kind of wince in embarrassment? Next time that happens, take a moment to really feel it.
When youdo, you'll realizeit's not so bad. Maybeyou'll admit, "I don't know why I just said that," and apologize. Then maybeyou'll both laugh it off. Or maybe you'll get into that conversationyou've been avoiding for yearsbut you know you need to have.
Soon, you won't fear feeling. You'll pursue it like thosecourageous early morning surfers. You'll wake up before dawnand diveinto those scary conversationsand difficult proposals. You'll take the risksthat oncescared you. And you'll fall; sometimes you'll even fail.
Then you'll get up and do it again.
