EIGHT THOUGHTS TO PONDER: 

Number 8 
Life is sexually transmitted. 

Number 7 
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. 

Number 6 
Men have two emotions : Hungry and Horny. They can't tell them apart. If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich. 

Number 5 
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks, months, maybe years. 

Number 4 

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in 
the hospitals, dying of nothing. 

Number 3 
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism. 

Number 2 
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal. 

And The Number 1 Thought 
Life is like a jar of Jalapeno peppers-- What you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow. 

... and as someone recently said to me: 

"Don't worry about old age-- It doesn't last that long."