Lawyers should never ask a Southern grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer. 

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, 
elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' 

She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since 
you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, 
you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind 
their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to 
realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. 
Yes, I know you.' 

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the 
room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?' 
She again replied, ' Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a 
youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't 
build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the 
worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three 
different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.' 

The defense attorney nearly died. 
The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet 
voice, said, 'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you 
both to the electric chair.'