A guide is showing a Texan the Niagara Falls. "I'll bet you don't have anything like that in Texas!"
"Nope, I reckon we don't," said the Texan. "But we've got plumbers who could fix it."

My last words shall be, 'The money is buried next to the large
uuh, ooomph, schnnixxxx, umph, eeeeeh,,,, .'
Get the grand kids off those damn cell phones.

I got a crappy birthday present.......
A dictionary with the front and back pages missing.
Things just went from Bad to Worse.

I told a joke on a Zoom meeting for work.......
Nobody laughed.
Turns out, I'm not even remotely funny.

I'll admit it, I have a tremendous sex drive. My girlfriend lives 90 miles away.

I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick pocketed.
How could anyone stoop so low.

Wizard of Oz...is 85 years old.
Today, if Dorothy were to encounter men with no brains, no hearts, and no courage, she wouldn't be in Oz.
She'd be in Congress!

Why is bread like the Sun?
It rises in the yeast and sets in the Waist.

What is the penalty for bigamy? Two mother's in law.

Source
SHOREMUFFSTUFF at iFIB