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Posted On: 02/15/2024 3:49:56 PM
Post# of 124244
Feb 15th is my Valentines Day because
I get to spend that day with my true love:
Discount chocolate!
Alimony: The screwing you get for the screwing you got.
A recent study....
...showed that 1 out of 3 people in a relationship are cheating.
Now I've just got to figure out if it's my wife or my girlfriend.
It's been said that hard work never killed anyone, but why take the chance?
A younger colleague asked what it's like getting old.
I told her: "Imagine every day is Monday..."
Wouldn't it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes; come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller!
I went into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church. Inside I found a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On one wall, there's a row of decanters with fine Irish whiskey and Waterford crystal glasses. On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates. Then the priest comes in. I say to him, "Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be."
He replied: “Get out ... You're on my side."
A married couple in the Midwest were fast asleep when the phone rang...
The husband picks up the receiver... and after a few moments he yells into the phone...
"How the hell should I know...! That's over a thousand miles away..."
Then he slams down the phone... And, of course, this wakes up the wife...
In a sleepy voice she asks... "Who was on the phone...?"
In a grumbling tone, the husband replies...
"I have no idea... but It was someone asking if the coast was clear..."
I recently entered a competition to see who had gained the most weight and lost the most hair.
Obviously, it wasn’t called that.
It was advertised as a "School Reunion..."
Souce, SHORENUFFSTUFF @iFib
I get to spend that day with my true love:
Discount chocolate!
Alimony: The screwing you get for the screwing you got.
A recent study....
...showed that 1 out of 3 people in a relationship are cheating.
Now I've just got to figure out if it's my wife or my girlfriend.
It's been said that hard work never killed anyone, but why take the chance?
A younger colleague asked what it's like getting old.
I told her: "Imagine every day is Monday..."
Wouldn't it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes; come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller!
I went into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church. Inside I found a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On one wall, there's a row of decanters with fine Irish whiskey and Waterford crystal glasses. On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates. Then the priest comes in. I say to him, "Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be."
He replied: “Get out ... You're on my side."
A married couple in the Midwest were fast asleep when the phone rang...
The husband picks up the receiver... and after a few moments he yells into the phone...
"How the hell should I know...! That's over a thousand miles away..."
Then he slams down the phone... And, of course, this wakes up the wife...
In a sleepy voice she asks... "Who was on the phone...?"
In a grumbling tone, the husband replies...
"I have no idea... but It was someone asking if the coast was clear..."
I recently entered a competition to see who had gained the most weight and lost the most hair.
Obviously, it wasn’t called that.
It was advertised as a "School Reunion..."
Souce, SHORENUFFSTUFF @iFib
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