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Posted On: 12/29/2023 1:34:46 PM
Post# of 124260
Seniors' favorite board game: Sorry....I forgot
We'll be friends until we're old and senile.....
Then we'll be new friends.
Why did the senior cross the road ?
He forgot where he parked his car.
I don't travel anymore. I'm where I want to be.
I'm not feeling well
I don't know if it's Covid, Sars, Bird Flu, Swine Flu, Mers, Ebola, Asian Flu, Spanish Flu, Russian Flu,
or the 4 pounds of bacon I ate
This was an odd year.
Next year will get even though.
I don't support Biden, but I would never denigrate his supporters.
If you're a Biden supporter, "denigrate" means "to put down."
Looking for a wife
A guy advertised online for a wife.
He got 200 replies in the first hour.
Most of them said “You can have mine.”
A little old man was escorted into the witness box. After he was sworn in, the lawyer asked him to explain what happened.
After a lengthy discussion of the events leading up to the incident, he finally got around to the meat of the case: "...and then she hit me with a maple leaf."
"Surely that couldn't have caused you any serious injury?" said the lawyer.
"Are you kidding?" exclaimed the old man. "It was the leaf from the center of our dining room table."
A man in an interrogation room says,
“I’m not saying a word without my lawyer present.”
Cop: You are the lawyer.
Lawyer: Exactly, so where’s my present?
A doctor told Donald Trump he has Acute Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
Trump said "It's not just cute, it's **the cutest** narcissistic personality disorder in the world. Believe me."
This guy asked me what I did for a living.
I said, "breathe in, breathe out."
I thought about cleaning the house, but then I
thought...........................what has the house done for me lately ?
The only instant messaging I do is with my middle finger.
Joe Biden is doing the work of three men.
Larry, Curley and Moe.
Faced with hard times, the company offered a bonus of one thousand dollars to any employee who could come up with a way of saving money.
The bonus went to a young woman in accounting who suggested limiting future bonuses to ten dollars.
Shout out to my golfing buddies.................
.......................cuz that's the only way they can hear me.
I'm rich.....................................
Silver in my hair, gold in my teeth, crystals in my kidney, and sugar in my blood.
My wife got me to stop chewing my nails.
She hid my teeth.
It took all this time to get my head together.
Now my body is falling apart.
How are Kobe Bryant and Melania Trump similar?
They both got rich by playing with orange balls.
What do you call a bunch of chess players bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?
Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.
What's fat, orange and that everyone avoids?
A Traffic Cone!
What did you expect me to say....
I was getting my hair cut at a neighborhood shop, and I asked the barber when would be the best time to bring in my two-year-old son.
Without hesitation, the barber answered, "When he's four."
A Sunday school teacher said to the children, "We have been learning how powerful kings and queens were in Bible times.
But, there is a Higher Power. Can anybody tell me what it is?"
One child blurted out, "Aces!"
I play on a senior hockey team.
The other night I scored three goals ( a geri-hat-trick ).
As a former pastry chef, I know that old age can
really crepe up on you.
Doctor (to me): "Age got muffin on you."
I have a structured retirement..................
( a rigid nap schedule).
At my age, I turn down the lights to be
economical....................not to be romantic.
https://investorshub.advfn.com/boards/read_ms...=173527370
We'll be friends until we're old and senile.....
Then we'll be new friends.
Why did the senior cross the road ?
He forgot where he parked his car.
I don't travel anymore. I'm where I want to be.
I'm not feeling well
I don't know if it's Covid, Sars, Bird Flu, Swine Flu, Mers, Ebola, Asian Flu, Spanish Flu, Russian Flu,
or the 4 pounds of bacon I ate
This was an odd year.
Next year will get even though.
I don't support Biden, but I would never denigrate his supporters.
If you're a Biden supporter, "denigrate" means "to put down."
Looking for a wife
A guy advertised online for a wife.
He got 200 replies in the first hour.
Most of them said “You can have mine.”
A little old man was escorted into the witness box. After he was sworn in, the lawyer asked him to explain what happened.
After a lengthy discussion of the events leading up to the incident, he finally got around to the meat of the case: "...and then she hit me with a maple leaf."
"Surely that couldn't have caused you any serious injury?" said the lawyer.
"Are you kidding?" exclaimed the old man. "It was the leaf from the center of our dining room table."
A man in an interrogation room says,
“I’m not saying a word without my lawyer present.”
Cop: You are the lawyer.
Lawyer: Exactly, so where’s my present?
A doctor told Donald Trump he has Acute Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
Trump said "It's not just cute, it's **the cutest** narcissistic personality disorder in the world. Believe me."
This guy asked me what I did for a living.
I said, "breathe in, breathe out."
I thought about cleaning the house, but then I
thought...........................what has the house done for me lately ?
The only instant messaging I do is with my middle finger.
Joe Biden is doing the work of three men.
Larry, Curley and Moe.
Faced with hard times, the company offered a bonus of one thousand dollars to any employee who could come up with a way of saving money.
The bonus went to a young woman in accounting who suggested limiting future bonuses to ten dollars.
Shout out to my golfing buddies.................
.......................cuz that's the only way they can hear me.
I'm rich.....................................
Silver in my hair, gold in my teeth, crystals in my kidney, and sugar in my blood.
My wife got me to stop chewing my nails.
She hid my teeth.
It took all this time to get my head together.
Now my body is falling apart.
How are Kobe Bryant and Melania Trump similar?
They both got rich by playing with orange balls.
What do you call a bunch of chess players bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?
Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.
What's fat, orange and that everyone avoids?
A Traffic Cone!
What did you expect me to say....
I was getting my hair cut at a neighborhood shop, and I asked the barber when would be the best time to bring in my two-year-old son.
Without hesitation, the barber answered, "When he's four."
A Sunday school teacher said to the children, "We have been learning how powerful kings and queens were in Bible times.
But, there is a Higher Power. Can anybody tell me what it is?"
One child blurted out, "Aces!"
I play on a senior hockey team.
The other night I scored three goals ( a geri-hat-trick ).
As a former pastry chef, I know that old age can
really crepe up on you.
Doctor (to me): "Age got muffin on you."
I have a structured retirement..................
( a rigid nap schedule).
At my age, I turn down the lights to be
economical....................not to be romantic.
https://investorshub.advfn.com/boards/read_ms...=173527370
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