"You Know It's A Bad Day When..." 

You jump out of bed and miss the floor. 

The bird singing outside your window is a buzzard. 

You put both contact lenses in the same eye. 

The blind date turns out to be your ex-wife. 

Your income tax refund check bounces. 

You put your bra on backwards, and it fits better. 

Suicide Prevention puts you on hold. 

Your twin sister forgets your birthday. 

You see a "60 Minutes news team" waiting in your outer 
office (and DA is waiting on the phone....) 

Your only son tells you he wishes Anita Bryant would mind her own business. 

You want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party, and there aren't any. 

You turn on the TV news and they're displaying emergency routes out of your city. 

The woman you've been seeing on the side begins to look like your wife. 

You wake up to discover that your water bed broke, and then 
you realize that you don't have a water bed.