I had a terrible nightmare last night. I dreamed I was attacked by a ship full of the undead
who were nothing but bones. Fortunately, there weren't many of them. ( skeleton crew )

Spelunkers are terrible negotiators.
They always cave.

My friend drowned in a vat of varnish.
He had a terrible end, but a wonderful finish.

BREAKING NEWS: Stevie Wonder suffers major laceration in horrible accident.
The wound was so big, they had to use very super stitches.

Lost my belly button in a freak accident.
The doctor told me not to worry..................I could get a new one at the navel reserve.

Wanna hear a joke about a control freak ?
No ? ...............................................OH YES YOU DO !!!

When I was younger, I had a condom break.
I freaked out and went to the pharmacy and they gave me morning after pills.
It didn't work..........................................I took two and she still got pregnant.

I have a few female horses, but one of them
always starts freaking out while riding at night. She's my worst night mare.

Source: SHORENUFFSTUFF @ iFib