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Posted On: 01/20/2023 9:44:22 AM
Post# of 124438
Not to admit I'm an asshole, but................after I fart, I always ask people,
"Do you smell popcorn?", so that they take a deep breath.
My friend asked me, “What are your plans for the weekend?”
I said, “I’m going to buy glasses.”
She said, “And then what?”
I replied, “I’ll see...”
So many people these days are too judgmental.
You can tell just by looking at them...
What's a good winter tip ?
Never catch a snowflake on your tongue UNTIL ALL
the birds have flown south for the winter !
Marilyn Monroe suggests to Albert Einstein :
"If you and I were to marry, our kids will be the smartest and most beautiful in all the world."
Einstein: "What if they get my looks and your brain?"
Albert Einstein dies and goes to heaven
He meets God there and asks him: "Dear God, you know me, I'm the author of worlds most famous equation. Would you show me the equation you used to create man?"
God takes a pencil and a piece of paper, scribbles something down and gives it to him.
Einstein is studying the formula for a long time and in the end says: "But there's an error here..."" God says"Yeah, I know"
Einstein also said " that one should never
memorize something that you can look up in a book "........indeed he did
Some days you eat salads and go to the gym...
Some days you eat 20 tacos and drink margaritas.
It's called balance.
Jehovah's Witnesses have some strange beliefs.
For instance, they believe I'm actually going to open the door.
I once dated a girl who had the same beliefs as my parents.
She never believed I would amount to anything either.
Everyone should be good at something...
I'm good at writing my name in the snow.
One congressman to another:
You know, a billion here a billion there. Pretty soon it adds up to real money.
"Do you smell popcorn?", so that they take a deep breath.
My friend asked me, “What are your plans for the weekend?”
I said, “I’m going to buy glasses.”
She said, “And then what?”
I replied, “I’ll see...”
So many people these days are too judgmental.
You can tell just by looking at them...
What's a good winter tip ?
Never catch a snowflake on your tongue UNTIL ALL
the birds have flown south for the winter !
Marilyn Monroe suggests to Albert Einstein :
"If you and I were to marry, our kids will be the smartest and most beautiful in all the world."
Einstein: "What if they get my looks and your brain?"
Albert Einstein dies and goes to heaven
He meets God there and asks him: "Dear God, you know me, I'm the author of worlds most famous equation. Would you show me the equation you used to create man?"
God takes a pencil and a piece of paper, scribbles something down and gives it to him.
Einstein is studying the formula for a long time and in the end says: "But there's an error here..."" God says"Yeah, I know"
Einstein also said " that one should never
memorize something that you can look up in a book "........indeed he did
Some days you eat salads and go to the gym...
Some days you eat 20 tacos and drink margaritas.
It's called balance.
Jehovah's Witnesses have some strange beliefs.
For instance, they believe I'm actually going to open the door.
I once dated a girl who had the same beliefs as my parents.
She never believed I would amount to anything either.
Everyone should be good at something...
I'm good at writing my name in the snow.
One congressman to another:
You know, a billion here a billion there. Pretty soon it adds up to real money.
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