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U.S.—The Department of Treasury revealed on Tuesday that President Joe Biden will lend his likeness to a new denomination of American currency: the trillion-dollar bill. The large bill is designed to withstand soaring inflation rates for the foreseeable future.

Director Jerome Cash unveiled the new bill from the White House Rose Garden. "Inflation has been a real problem for hard-working Americans. At the treasury, we print money every day to try and make it go away but our printers can only go so fast," said Cash. "The president has solved that problem by helping us craft a ridiculously large bill that will help us hide the problem for a few more months."

"Look at me on this money," said President Biden. "You can see my face. Amazing. I did that!"

Biden then stared off into space, presumably watching his approval rating sink lower.

"Anyways," he said after an excruciating pause. "Look, here's the deal, Jack. This trillion-million-hundo dollar is going to save our country. Americans can't afford to put food on the table but this currency will change all that. Now you can afford bananas!"

"President Harris tells me that money can be used to trade for goods and services," he added.

Dr. Jill Biden quickly pulled her husband away from the microphone, a skill she has almost perfected.

At publishing time, the nation plunged deeper into debt after Biden lost a bill between his couch cushions.

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