Why a man would want to marry a woman is a mystery.
Why he would want to be married to two women is a bigamystery.

Did you hear about the blonde who dropped out of nursing school?
She was doing great until she found out she would have to perform the Hymenlick Maneuver.

How do you keep from being bitten by a tse-tse fly?
Keep your tse-tse covered at all times.

Did you know Bigfoot is sometimes confused with Sasquatch?
Yeti never complains.

I called a 24 hour child abuse hot line. This
little kid answers and says, 'What the hell you want, asshole?'

I don’t like to use the word kidnapping
I prefer the term "surprise adoption"

What do you call a group of redneck superheroes?
The Inbredibles

Budget: A plan for going broke methodically.

Perfect retirement budgeting
You die in your sleep as your last check bounces.

What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight?
Sir Render.

I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant,
but apparently it just changes the color of the baby.