Please be careful of holiday scams out there. I ordered my wife expensive jewelry for Christmas, and instead they sent me fishing gear. Weird!

Historians in Ireland have discovered what they believe to be, the headstone of the oldest ever living man
He was 193 and his name was Miles from Dublin..

My old teacher used to tell me that I'd never be any good at poetry due to my dyslexia.
Well I've recently made 3 jugs and a vase so up yours Mr Jones.

I've started a new taxi service. Business is picking up.

Teacher: I want you to tell me the longest sentence you can think of.
Student: Life imprisonment!

I'm not really a fan of innuendo jokes but I do occasionally slip one in!

So I got chased for ages the other day by a man trying to steal my wallet.
I thought to myself, "He's giving me a good run for my money."