Cop: "We're going to give you a drug test."
Me: "Cool, which drugs are we testing?"
Police Officer: "How high are you?" Me "No officer, it's "Hi, How are you?"

Oh great. I forgot to pack an apple in my lunch
and now there's doctors EVERYWHERE.

Don't bother giving kids a hard time
for saying lol while they're speaking if you came from an era when hardy-har-har was a thing.

There's nothing more disturbing than the 1st time you hear someone you know using their "whooo's a good dog" voice.

I had an epiphany, but I forgot it while I was trying to spell epiphany.

Please pray for my friend.
He only believes in 12.5% of the bible. He's an eighth-eist.

How can God have Ten Commandments for the whole world, and my wife have 150 just for our house?

Dog For Sale . Free to good home. Excellent
guard dog. Owner cannot afford to feed Jethro
anymore, as there are no more drug
pushers, thieves, murderers, or molesters
left in the neighborhood for him to eat. Most
of them knew Jethro only by his Chinese street name,
Ho Lee Schitt.