I love my dog, but I'm tired of having to show him both hands are empty like a blackjack dealer after I eat something.

I took a beginners class in Yoga this morning.
Basically I spent an hour trying not to fart.

Just got back from Bermuda. What a nice place it is there. We were watching the Bermuda Philharmonic Orchestra when all of a sudden, the woman on the triangle disappeared.

"Never stop dreaming"......
~~ Freddy Krueger~~

How to cook crack and clean a crab.
step 1: Use commas

Other than "life is short", what other sayings
do you use before making a bad decision?

Got up at 5am, ran 8km as usual, got back and made a vegetable smoothie. Just can't remember the rest of the dream.

You know, it used to be called a "jumpoline"
until yo mamma got on it.

I predict 90% of my predictions will be wrong.

Is from the land down under.
Australia?
No, Hell.