I think my girlfriend has had 61 boyfriends
because she calls me her 60 second lover.

My wife put a mirror over our bed.
She said she likes to see herself laugh.

My wife complains about my bad puns.
I said, "What did you expect, you married a groan man?"

My wife complained that I don't take an interest in her family.
Now she's upset that I screwed her sister. I can't win.

The wife and I went to a marriage counselor.
My wife complained to the counselor that everything was fine until my girlfriend started seeing her boyfriend.

My wife complained that I never fill the dishwasher properly,
so I took her into the bedroom to prove her wrong.

My wife complains that I sit around all day doing nothing,
I won't stand for it.