Alabama man walks into French Restaurant......
He says to waitor - "Parlor view - front seat" ....... The waitor says "Oui, Oui - Et Vous?". Bama boy says "Bless you"

I once fell in love with a girl who only knew 4 vowels.
She didn’t know I existed.

My wife apologized for the first time ever today.
She said she’s sorry she ever married me.

My wife keeps telling me that I’m the cheapest person
she has ever met in her life. I’m not buying it.

My wife thinks I don’t respect her privacy enough.
At least, that’s what it says in her diary.

My favorite color is purple.
I like it more than blue and red combined.

I’m giving up alcohol for a month.
Wait, I typed that wrong…
I’m giving up. Alcohol for a month.

A snake walks into a bar.
The bartender says, “How did you do that?”

“One man’s trash is another man’s treasure” is a great quote…
But it wasn’t the best way to tell my son he was adopted.