Whenever my artist girlfriend is sad I let her draw things on my body.
I give her a shoulder to crayon.

The adjective for metal is metallic, but not so for iron…
Which is ironic.

I ate a kids meal at McDonald’s today.
His mom got really angry.
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I went to my doctor today and told him I was
having problems with my hearing.

He said, “Can you describe the symptoms?”

I said, “They’re yellow, Homer’s fat, and Marge has blue hair.”