As I suspected, someone has been planting soil
in my garden. The plot thickens.

A weird plant knocked on my door preaching for
me to ditch my current moisturizer. It was a damn Jojoba's Witness.

My wife just informed me that I planted the
wrong plants. Oopsy daisy.

I just started a company that harvests moisture
from plants. Business isn't great, but we're making dew.

My neighbor is afraid to grow apples.
I told him to grow a pear.

My wife gardens in the nude.
It's cheaper than a scarecrow.

I have a joke about my wife gardening in the
nude....................................but weed better not go there.

A college professor started to notice that Dave, one of his students, started gaining lots of female attention.

So, one day he asks Dave about his secret. Dave replies: "Well, before sex I simply whip out my willy and smack it against the bedside table, like a hammer. It numbs it up and makes me last longer".

Later that day, the professor gets home to his wife and finds her in the shower - a welcome opportunity for sex. So, he quickly undresses and starts banging his dick against the dresser, just before hearing his wife calling from the shower:

"Dave, is that you?".