I went to see an old friend that worked in a cotton mill. He wasn't there. He had gone for cotton. Went back a week later, same thing. He was gone for cotton. A week later I was told he died. I went to the cemetery. On his headstone it read, "Gone, but not for cotton"

My dog swallowed some Christmas tree lights.. When I told him I was taking him to the vet, his eyes lit up.

When I tell ethnic jokes it seems that I ALWAYS offend someone.
So I'm going to make up an ethnicity, let's call it "Cleavens"
All future ethnic jokes will only be about Cleavens!
Since there is no such thing as a Cleaven, so no one can be offended.

Okay - So two black cleavens walk into a bar...

Me: Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green Green Grass of Home'.
Doctor: That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.
Me: Is it common?
Doctor: It's not unusual.

My nephew has HDADD.
He has trouble focusing, but once he does it's unbelievably clear.

My wife used to suffer from PMS................
................ Potential Murder Suspect.

My son asked me what it's like to be married so I told him to leave me alone and when he did I asked him why he was ignoring me.

Halloween might be cancelled due to covid-19 the irony.. people won't be able to wear masks because they won't wear masks.

Source:
SHORENUFFSTUFF @ iFib