The Polite Way to Call Someone a Bastard...... 

A guy was getting ready to tee off on the first hole when a second 
> golfer approached and asked if he could join him. The first said 
> that he usually played alone, but agreed to the twosome. They were 
> even after the first few holes. The second guy said, We’re about 
> evenly matched, how about playing for five bucks a hole? 
> 
> The first guy said that he wasn’t much for betting, but agreed to 
> the terms. The second guy won the remaining sixteen holes with 
> ease. As they were walking off number eighteen, the second guy was 
> busy counting his $80.00. 
> He confessed that he was the pro at a neighboring course and liked 
> to pick on suckers. The first fellow revealed that he was the 
> Parish Priest. The pro was flustered and apologetic, offering to 
> return the money. 
> The Priest said, You won fair and square and I was foolish to bet 
> with you. You keep your winnings. 
> 
> The pro said, Is there anything I can do to make it up to you? 
> The Priest said, Well, you could come to Mass on Sunday and make a 
> donation And, if you want to bring your mother and father along, 
> I’ll marry them........