Tom, no sorrys needed. I have enjoyed your putting your real self and thoughts out there. There are real folks, and there are fakes. You my friend, are a real folk.
I almost lost my now 16 yr old, 2 yrs ago, from spinal meningitis, from a surgery. I did not lose him, but the thought was very real. I can't imagine what you have went through, but stay strong. Time usually heals all, not sure, but have faith brother. There is a bunch of good folks here to talk to. Don't hesitate to pm some.