Shenanigans are the
females of the nanigan species.

I'm just saying that if she's into metric
then I'd love to meter.

Divorce is never funny.
Unless it’s happening to your ex who got engaged six weeks after you broke up.

This just in… Harry has taken a job at Subway.
He will now be referred to as “The Sandwich Artist Formerly Known as Prince”.

I yelled at my wife “Your skirt is way too short.
She replied, “That’s because it’s made for a woman. Now take it off & give it to me."

It's not a good idea to shoot finger guns
at a man that's driving an armored truck...
I know that now.

Pancakes: Because NO,
you cannot have cake for breakfast..
but you can have fried cake for breakfast!!

Johnny: "What's that between mommy's legs?"
Dad: "That's paradise, son."
Johnny: "Then, what's that between your legs?"
Dad: "That's the key to paradise."
Johnny: "Well, you better get the lock changed then, 'cause Fred next door has a spare key."

Source: SHORENUFFSTUFF at iFib