It's ok computer, I go to sleep after 20 minutes of inactivity too.

Twitter is great if you can't afford therapy but you also don't want to get any better.

Failure is not an option—it comes bundled with the software.

Any room is a panic room if you've lost your phone in it

If Bill Gates had a penny for every time I had to reboot my computer ...oh wait, he does

Autocorrect can go to He'll

I want to be something really scary for Halloween this year so I'm dressing up as a phone battery at 2%

Cats spend two thirds of their lives sleeping, and the other third making viral videos--That one is for Salty

https://onelinefun.com/it/8/