I just saw my wife walk by with her sexiest underwear on, which can only mean one thing. It’s laundry day.

What book do women like the most?
Their husband's checkbook.

My wife said she is leaving on account of my sexual fetishes
I said fine! Slam the door on my cock on the way out.

There is no key to a woman’s heart....
There’s only a password that changes regularly.

My wife is such a bad cook that
the flies chipped in to get the screen door fixed.

A guy wants a divorce...
He tells the judge, "I just can't take it anymore. Every night she's out until way after midnight, just going from bar to bar."

Judge asks, "What's she doing?"

The guy answers, "Looking for me."

Source: SHORENUFFSTUFF at iFib