My urologist said I have a healthy prostate.
I was deeply touched.

A banana republic…
is just a regular republic that's happy to see you.

To the woman a booth over who said...
“There’s nothing worse than cold toast!”
I want your life.

First person to eat a banana - This is not good.
First person to peel a banana - Dude guess what…?

A man threatened to sue a magazine…
for using his photo in a story about how all hipsters look the same — only to learn it's not him in the picture.

Her: I just can't find the words.
Me: She's kidding, give her a minute.

I love nothing more than sitting in front of a
warm fire, wine in hand, singing songs until I fall asleep. It's probably the main reason I'm no longer a firefighter.

A vagina is like the weather.
When it's wet, it's time to go inside.

I haven't spoken to my mother-in-law for
six months. It's rude to interrupt.

It was a golden era when there was no internet..
In those days, only your family and friends knew how stupid you are.

How has the price of opinions remained $0.02....
over the years even after inflation?