I had a really expensive enema last week. It cleaned me out.

I have CDO.
It's like OCD, but the letters are in alphabetical order; like they should be.

My doctor told me to cut down on sodium, but I'm taking his advice with a grain of salt.

I'm pretty sure I have an abnormal convex curvature of the upper spine. Call it a hunch.............................

I sneezed really hard, and while I
didn't break any bones, there was some tissue damage.

I think my Tourette's Syndrome has finally been cured. Thank fuck for that !

An Italian businessman...
on his deathbed called his good friend and said, "Luigi, I want you to promise me that when I die you will have my remains cremated."
"And what," his friend asked, "do you want me to do with your ashes?"
The businessman said, "Just put them in an envelope and mail them to the IRS...and write on the envelope, 'Now you have everything.'"

The difference between...
the mafia and the government is that only one of them is organized.

Source: SHORENUFFSTUFF at iFib