Take my shares, please!
I went to my broker the other day, they told me 'You owe us money'.
Sometimes I think I should pull out of the stock market and move to Vegas. At least in Vegas you get a free buffet when you lose your money.
I used to dream of buying a Lamborghini. Now I'll be happy if I can buy a bicycle.
I told my family I invested in Andiamo. They said that's a great Italian restaurant! I said no, its a smartphone company masquerading as a water company masquerading as a music company masquerading as a film company that makes go-kart films.
I searched my couch cushions for change the other day to buy a million more shares.
Today I donated blood. I got enough dough now to become the CEO of this company.
I went to my psychiatrist, she told me to go see the SEC.
At least this company is environmentally friendly. They have zero carbon footprint.
Im quitting the stock market. Theres too much risk involved. Instead Im going out campaigning for Donald Trump!

WHOOP! WHOOP! WHOOP!