Show me a man who claims to be a medieval stringed instrument, and I'll show you a lyre.

A man walks into a music store and says: "I'd like to buy that accordian over there for my band." The cashier says: "You must be a drummer. That's the radiator."

Mother: "Where's your brother?"
Son: "He's in the house playing a duet. I finished first."

Friend: "The keys on your piano are yellow. It must be really old."
Me: "No. The elephant was a heavy smoker."

I know a guitarist who is so bad, she can't even pluck her eyebrows.

What's the difference between a cello and a viola?
A cello burns longer.

How do you keep your violin from getting stolen?
Put it in a viola case.

What do you say to a drummer with a pretty girl on his arm?
Nice tattoo.