"You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man of your background," sneered the lawyer at a witness on the stand. "If I wasn't under oath, I'd return the compliment," replied the witness.

Cashier in the grocery: “Would you like.....
the milk in a bag”?
Man: “No, just leave it in the carton”.

I just me Bruce Lee’s vegan brother Brocco Lee.

I went to an animal shelter to get me a dog
to keep me company. But what I went to the women's shelter for the same thing, they called the cops.

BARBER: (To a long-haired teenager) You're next.
TEENAGER: I'm not waiting for a haircut.
BARBER: What are you waiting for?
TEENAGER: Nothing. My Dad's looking for me and this is the last place in the world he would look