"This is not fair"
-Russian who got wrong directions to the fair.

I just bought one of those real life sex dolls
and she is so realistic that she only wants to be friends.

I’ve said it once and I’ve said it again.
And I’ve said it a third time.

Yesterday I went to a temporary tattoo parlor to get a tattoo...
It wouldn't wash off this morning, so I went back to complain, but the tattoo parlor wasn't there.

Dating women is like squaring numbers..
If they’re under 15, just do them in your head.