This angry cop just came up to me and said:
"Give me your name." I said, "Why, what's wrong with yours?"

Heaven has strict immigration policies.
Hell has open borders.

I have a friend who's half Indian. Ian is a great guy.

I just bought some of those ghost-shaped laxative tablets. They scare the shit out of me.

Everybody says stealing is wrong. Personally, I don't buy it.

My wife says she's leaving me because she's never seen me sober.
Shit! I got married???

At a job interview I was asked "Do you have a police record?"
I said, "Yes, Ghost in the Machine, 1981."…