“I stand corrected,”
said the man in his orthopedic shoes

I went shopping for cherries and a microphone...
- bought a bing bought a boom.

Every time I hear the phrase "that's the spirit!"
I imagine someone picking a ghost out of a lineup.

Neil Diamond used to be called Neil Coal...
until the pressure got to him.

I got thrown out of a strip club last night for using monopoly money. Hey, why should I pay real money to see fake tits?