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Posted On: 12/05/2017 12:54:21 PM
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Nazis Feeling Neglected After Republicans’ Embrace of Child Molesters
By Andy Borowitz
11:03 A.M.
Photograph by Kevin D. Liles / NYT via Redux
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Several prominent Nazis said on Tuesday that they feel “neglected and hurt” by what they see as the Republican Party’s decision to court child molesters instead.
After the Republican National Committee agreed to fund the alleged child molester Roy Moore’s campaign for the United States Senate, aggrieved Nazis called the move a blatant attempt to pander to the child-molester vote.
“It seems like just last summer President Trump was saying what ‘fine people’ we were,” Heinz Dorrinson, an embittered Nazi from Mississippi, said. “Now it seems like all he can think about is his precious child molesters.”
Dorrinson warned that, in their frenzy to woo the child-molester vote, Republicans were playing a dangerous game by taking the Nazi vote for granted.
“President Trump needs to remember who put him in the White House,” Dorrinson said. “Nazis have feelings, too.”
In Washington, the Senate Majority Leader, Mitch McConnell, said that the battle between Nazis and child molesters for control of the Republican Party was largely an invention of the media.
“The Republican Party in 2017 is a place where both Nazis and child molesters can feel at home,” McConnell said.
By Andy Borowitz
11:03 A.M.
Photograph by Kevin D. Liles / NYT via Redux
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Several prominent Nazis said on Tuesday that they feel “neglected and hurt” by what they see as the Republican Party’s decision to court child molesters instead.
After the Republican National Committee agreed to fund the alleged child molester Roy Moore’s campaign for the United States Senate, aggrieved Nazis called the move a blatant attempt to pander to the child-molester vote.
“It seems like just last summer President Trump was saying what ‘fine people’ we were,” Heinz Dorrinson, an embittered Nazi from Mississippi, said. “Now it seems like all he can think about is his precious child molesters.”
Dorrinson warned that, in their frenzy to woo the child-molester vote, Republicans were playing a dangerous game by taking the Nazi vote for granted.
“President Trump needs to remember who put him in the White House,” Dorrinson said. “Nazis have feelings, too.”
In Washington, the Senate Majority Leader, Mitch McConnell, said that the battle between Nazis and child molesters for control of the Republican Party was largely an invention of the media.
“The Republican Party in 2017 is a place where both Nazis and child molesters can feel at home,” McConnell said.
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